If you live with your significant other, you’ve probably experienced the disturbing phenomena known as “Spouse Aggro”. This behavior is usually typified by exasperated comments, sideways glances, or the ever popular guilt trip (“You’re always on the computer…”) however, it has been known to escalate to yells or even physical violence.
Fear not, you’re not alone! Across the country, nay, across the world men and women are forcing their way through spouse aggro into the lairs of evil dragons and forelorn wizards. You can do the same.
Want to get your Waaagh on? Want to strut through Stormwind? Then read on!
Step 1. Diagnose the Problem:
Let’s face it, gaming is a prejudiced hobby. If you’re spending your time playing a video game, you’re #2 on the threat meter and approaching the number #1 slot fast. The first thing you need to do is figure out what her problem is. Why doesn’t she like gaming? Is it a blanket prejudice? Bad gaming experience? Misinformation? Or, are you just playing too much? Listen to what she says and then use that to level your avoidance.
Take her words and learn from them. Educate her if need be. Remember, success if based around a level head. It’s a situation that requires more DoTs – but you must also know when to stop the DoTs. Under no circumstance do you blow your cooldowns. I repeat, do not use burst damage. If this is your first encounter, use it to build your strategy. You two can come to a reasonable conclusion but don’t expect epic loot your first run through.
Scenario: But Raegn, she says I play too much and I know I don’t. A few hours a night isn’t a lot to ask!
Answer: Actually, it is. To the non-MMOer, three hours a night makes you as hardcore and negligent as they come. If your spouse is throwing this at you, the first thing you need to do is evaluate your priorities. If you know she’s blowing things out of proportion and her needs are being met otherwise, then figure out a schedule that works. Play more when she’s not home or is, you know, unconscious. You’re an MMO player. Sacrificing sleep is in your nature. Think of it as stealth. If you can’t, however, set a time to get off the computer. Reach a consensus.
Step 2. Educate Don’t Berate
To the non-gamer, MMOs tend to look pretty darn stupid. I mean, seriously, what are we doing killing boars all the time? And why is some kobold more important than spending free time with her? Just let her know that you happen to find boars exceptionally tasty and elven women very attractive.
Now, if she’s a common spouse, now’s the time for a threat dump. First, tell her you were kidding. Your sense of humor should be able to help her see that there’s something more to gaming than that. Or maybe, if she’s a rare elite, you should just avoid joking all together. Explain to her, in non-fantasy-gamer terms, what you like about the game. Focus on the social aspects, so she realizes there’s lots of other people you’re interacting with. Downplay the spell-casting and up-play the aspects of the game that she could relate to – or that she could see you relating to in a real life way, for example, engaging storylines. Don’t explain the stories, if you can help it. Glass Eyes is a debuff that negates your previous 10 attacks. The aim here is to appeal to her sense of reason and humanize the enemy without exposing it.
Scenario: I tried to tell her but she just thinks it’s pointless! Guh, she just doesn’t get it!
Answer: Well, what’s the point of any video game? Fun, enjoyment, relaxation. Explain to her what the game does for you. You’re at home, so you obviously want to be near her, so you’re trying to get what you do from your hobby while being close to her. The truth, that sweet frosted Cinnabon of relationships, will set you free.
Step 3. Join Forces
We all know that two healers are better than one, so come together with your partner and get those HPs back. This can happen in two ways, first get her to try the game out as a means of spending time with you and doing something together. If you’re lucky, she’ll bite and run away with the proverbial worm. You can be a Tauren and Gnome in love, spreading steak and rainbows to the kiddies.
Failing that, join her in her disdain for the game. If you’re invested enough in the game to want to play it despite aggro, you’re probably invested enough to recognize its negatives and other silly aspects. Use this to your advantage. Sometimes an unconventional strategy is the one that leads to the purplest of epics. If she thinks you’re only playing for “something to do” or until something better comes along (a little less demanding on your time, perhaps?), the crystal face of “video game addiction” will start to crack for her. And let’s be honest, if something as much fun as your current game came along, and actually took less time, most of us would be down for it. I’m still waiting on that game myself.
Scenario: Raegn, you doorknob! I tried to get her to play and she got offended! Now what do I do?!?
Answer: You have a few options. You can apologize. Or, you can turn it around. You were just trying to spend time with her, after all. We’ll get to guilt tripping in the next article in this series though, so stay tuned. For now, placate the dragon. Be nice and she may come to see your true intention.
And that’s it for this installment of “So Your Spouse Hates Video Games”. Hopefully, you’ll find yourself better equipped to manage that aggro and maybe even get a boost to some of your stats. Until next time, equip your sword and board, build up your resists, and get ready for that incoming tank and spank.
[I understand some of the video game prejudice but certainly not all of it. I've been lucky enough to not get a ton of aggro from my fiancé because of my casual playstyle. I've been there in the past though, as many of us have, so keep your priorities in order and have fun in whatever world you choose to spend your time in.]